The Idiot's Guide to Fishing

I grew up in the country of North Carolina and with that came a love for a few “country boy” activities. I grew up wasting time by hunting, skeet shooting, mudslinging, four wheeling, and a lot more activities, but one of my more favorite things to do is go fishing. This has inspired me to write the idiots guide to fishing.

The first thing you are going to need to do is decide what type of fishing you are going to do. Is it going to be salt or fresh water? If you live in a land locked state then this is easy. I prefer fresh water because usually you do not have to travel far from home to find some source of fresh water. Now you need to decide if you are going to a pond, river, or lake. Where I am from, we have ponds on every road, lakes in every city, and a river that runs right down the middle. Pond fishing is going to be the best for you if you are just starting out.

Now we need to go to the local bait and tackle shop, or somewhere that we can pick up some bait. Bait is the food you put on the hook for the fish. Start with live bait, it works a lot better and requires a lot less skill to fish with. Crickets, minnows, and worms are the best live bait, just know what you are willing to touch before getting it. You will need to make sure that you have a fishing license in order to make sure you do not get in trouble with the law. Make sure to get the correct tackle or fishing gear while there. You will need a rod, fishing line, hooks, corks, net, pliers, rag, chair, bucket, and tackle box. While in the store, go ahead and grab a few drinks of your choice. This is going to help you relax if the fishing is not going to plan.

Step one: Drive to pond and park.
This can be difficult if you do not have permission to be there. If it is a public pond then you are find but if it is a private pond you need to make sure you don’t get caught by the owner or game warden, as this is illegal. I do not recommend breaking the law as it can result in a short fishing trip.

Step two: Have a drink.
This will help you loosen up and get ready to catch some fish.

Step three: figure out how to open package on rod, fishing line, hooks, corks, net, pliers, rag, chair, bucket, and tackle box.
This should be easy if you brought your knife, if you didn’t use teeth to open package. Should you chip or break a tooth, have another drink. Once everything is opened, have another drink.

Step four: Figure out how to thread line onto rod if you bought the cheap rod without any line.
Make sure to tie line around the reel so it doesn’t come undone later on. Once done, have another drink.

Step five: Attach hook to end of the line.
This will require using various knots and other hoodoo to attach the hook so it doesn’t come off. Put cork 1-3 feet above the hook. Have another drink.

Step six: Bait hook.
This means touching whatever live bait you bought at the store, and running a hook through its body. If you are worried about hurting the poor bait remember, it is called bait for a reason. Have another drink.

Step seven: Stumble out to the pond.
By now you should be relaxed and feeling good because of the drinks and it is now time to walk to the water. Try not to fall in because it spooks the fish, and you might lose your buzz. Making sure to have a secure grip on your fishing rod, cast the line into the water. Have a couple of drinks to celebrate making it this far.

Step eight: Wake up.
I guess you passed out from the drinks. Its 5 hours later, getting dark, you have a horrible sunburn, and your rod is missing. Pack up, go home and talk about how great and relaxing your fishing trip was and tell everyone how you caught dozens of fish.

Step nine: Plan fishing trip for next weekend.

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